Nothing Else Matters
by Anjirika
Summary: John, just couldn't say goodbye. ---SPOILERS FOR S5 E5 'GHOST IN THE MACHINE'--- Please Read and Review!


DISCLAIMER: NONE OF THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO ME, THEY BELONG TO SCIFI/BRIDGE-STUDIOS AND MGM. THE EPISODE 'GHOST IN THE MACHINE' WHILE BEING AN ABSOLUTE BRILLIANT PIECE OF WORK NEEDED ONE LAST THING AT THE END AND WHILE LISTENING TO METALLICA'S _NOTHING ELSE MATTERS_ I GOT THE INSPIRATION THAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. SO PLEASE, NO FLAMES. I DO THIS NOT FOR PROFIT BUT FOR THE ENJOYMENT THAT I RECIEVE FROM GETTING INSIDE THESE CHARACTER'S HEADS.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE STORY AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT AND PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW IF YOU'RE A SPARKY FAN.

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* * *

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So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters

As the gate closed shut he could almost feel what she must be feeling at the moment. The fear, the cold, the emptiness…it was more than John Sheppard could bare and yet he didn't turn away. He couldn't move his feet. He was unmoveable, as though he was frozen himself, as though if he were to turn his back on the gate it was like he would be turning his back on her again…

_I can't let her do this,_ he thought as he stared at the inactive gate. _I can't let her be frozen for all eternity…_ It was then, at that moment that a thought struck him. So suddenly the answer came to him and he instantly turned his back on the gate knowing what would have to happen.

--

_**Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters**_

"You're crazy," came Rodney's reply as John had just related his plan, his very crazy plan in a hushed whisper in a darkened corner of the mess hall. "You're absolutely crazy."

"Maybe," John conceded as he thought about what he had said. _We're going to get Elizabeth back_. "But I'm not losing her again Rodney…" he paused and looked at the knowing faces of his friends. Teyla he could tell was trying her best to hold back her feelings. Elizabeth Weir had been her dear friend and to lose her not once but twice was almost more than she could take. Ronan as usual was his stoic self and it was only Rodney who showed a bit of what he felt.

Rodney McKay felt almost one-hundred percent responsible for what had happened to Elizabeth. It had been his bright idea to reactivate the nanites even though John was against it. In the end, Rodney wasn't able to let her go. But John was, he had to let her go because he knew her better than the rest. John knew Elizabeth because they had had to let each other go more time then they could count, for the good of the city, for the good of the mission.

But this one time John wasn't willing to let her go. This time, he was going to be the selfish one. He was going to be the white knight who came riding up on his noble steed to save his lady love…though he wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even himself why he was so torn up about losing Elizabeth a second time.

"We can't lose her again," John continued looking at the faces of his friends. "This city needs her, we all need her…"

_I need her, _he added silently to himself though he wasn't ready to admit why.

"John," Teyla began in a hushed whisper. "This was what she wanted."

"I don't give a damn what she wanted!" John exclaimed, his raised voice, raising some heads in the mess hall. "I don't give a damn," he repeated, quieter this time. "She never left us behind, not even when we wanted to be…." John paused and thought about the siege, and the time that he had been trapped behind the time dilation field. He thought about the time that he was being fed upon by the wraith and how he had been so certain, so sure that she would send help, because that was what they did. They didn't leave one of their own behind, he taught her that—just like the military had taught him.

_**Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters**_

"We have to save her," John continued. "Nothing else matters but saving her…."

Rodney cast a speculative glance towards Teyla who nodded ever so slightly, he then turned to Ronan who repeated the motion. Knowing that it was his turn, he nodded in kind before turning back to his fearless leader. "What did you have in mind?"

--

_**Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know**_

"This isn't going to work," Rodney muttered as he, in his black PDU snuck around the city late at night behind Ronan. "It isn't,"

"With Zelinka in charge it will," Ronan assured as they inched forward. "He's going to distract Woolsey long enough for us to get a jumper through."

"And you are sure that we won't harm her?" asked Teyla who was in front of Ronan.

"No," John assured, though he himself was sceptical. "Right?"

Rodney sighed. "Well relatively speaking she would be floating away from the gate at the same speed that she walked through, so hopefully the kawoosh won't fry her—"

"Rodney," John chastised, his tone conveying everything.

"Hey this was your idea," Rodney countered. "I'm just pointing out the obvious pitfalls…and besides," he continued. "This was her idea."

"Yeah well like I said," John continued his voice holding a tone of bitterness in it. "I don't really care what was her idea or what wasn't at the moment. She's given up her life too many times…I'll be damned if I let her do it again."

And so, the team snuck into the jumper-bay and initiated the DHD.

--

_**Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I dont just say  
And nothing else matters**_

"What is going on?" asked Woolsey as he stormed into the control room.

"I, I am sorry Mr. Woolsey," stuttered Radek. "But a jumper has just gone through the gate….and a malfunction has well…we're locked out of the system."

Richard Woosley sighed, totally exasperated. It had only been twelve hours since he had sent the former leader, and rightful leader of Atlantis in his mind to her certain doom and he knew exactly what was going on. _And strange enough_ he thought calmly to himself as he stared at the inactive gate. _I don't care. _

"We are trying to fix the system but uh—"

"Dr. Zelinka," Woolsey interrupted with a knowing smile. "I know who has gone and why and I am willing to bet that the 'malfunction' is nothing more than your own tampering, am I right?" he paused to look at Radek who merely nodded in confession. "Very well," Woolsey continued. "Let me know when they return."

--

_**Trust I seek and I find in you  
Everyday for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters**_

"There she is," Rodney stated as they came through the gate, thankfully counting eight of eight replicators before them. "Dead ahead," as soon as the words were out of his mouth he internally winced knowing that six eyes, three pairs were upon them. "Well, you know what I mean."

"Yeah Rodney," John stated his voice low and unemotional, though the emotions were running high to the surface. "I know what you mean."

And with nothing else said, John manoeuvred the puddle jumper into position to pick up their precious cargo. Once it was safely aboard he let Rodney do his computer-skilled stuff. _Please let this work,_ he thought desperately to himself. _Please…_

--

_**Never cared for what they say  
Never cared for games they play  
Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
And I know**_

She was cold, so very cold. Colder than she had ever remembered being in her entire life. And as her systems shut down one by one he couldn't help but think about what he had said to her. _You may still think that you're Elizabeth, but you're not_. The pain in his voice had broken her heart. She had tried so hard throughout the entire year to hold onto who she was. Though all the pain and hardship, though all the loneliness and hurt she tried to remember who she was and where she had come from. But when she finally returned, she realized that it was too late.

_But at least,_ she thought as she closed her eyes. _I showed them that I am still me in the end…_…..

…….and then she started to warm up. Slowly she could feel the tips of her fingers and then her arms, and then she was warm to the very core. "It's working," she heard a voice, a dearly familiar voice saying. "She's waking up,"

"You did it," came another voice, a female, who sounded as though she was on the brink of tears. "You did it…"

"…is she alright?" asked a third voice, deeper and more stoic. "She's not moving."

"Give it a couple seconds," replied the first voice. "She was frozen pretty solid…"

It was then that she heard rustling, as though too many people wear moving around too small a compartment. _Who am I?_ she thought as she warmed up. _Am I really me? Am I someone else…am I really where I think I am? Where am I?_

"Elizabeth?" whispered a fourth and heartbreakingly dear voice. "Elizabeth," he asked again this time accompanied by a touch on her hand. "Elizabeth, it's time to wake up."

_No,_ her mind thought frantically as she processed the voices. _No it can't be. _

"Elizabeth," the fourth voice pleaded, the hurt and pain and emotion in his voice not even attempting to be veiled. "Elizabeth it's me, John Sheppard."

"John?" she whispered as she opened her eyes to stare into the eyes that she had missed so much for the year that she had been gone. "Is that really you?" she asked in a hushed whisper. "I was so cold," she continued as he leaned back from her. "I was so very cold…." she paused and let the silence overwhelm her.

Suddenly, like a bolt from the blue she sat up and in the process she wrapped her arms around him just like she had wanted to do when she had first laid eyes on him. And thankfully, he wrapped his arms around her too. After all they had been through, they didn't need to say what was really on their minds, or in their hearts. One simple action expressed it all.

It had expressed everything plain enough three years previous when they had been reunited once again. It expressed everything that needed to be expressed, though Elizabeth had to say one thing. "John," she began in a voice that was foreign to her own ears as she pulled back. "Thank you…."

--

Back in Atlantis, there was a flurry of activity. Carson was recalled from Earth to oversee the only thing that might possibly save her. _Is this going to work?_ John had asked as he watched Carson load the appropriate blood samples into the machine. _I thought the machine was fried. _

_It was,_ Radek had replied. _But we managed to repair it; at least we got nominal power to it, just in case such an event was presented to us. _

_So this will work?_ John had asked again.

_I don't know lad,_ Carson had stated honestly as he watched as Elizabeth with a different face walk into the room. _But I'm bloody sure that we don't have a choice. _

"No," Woolsey stated as he stood behind Elizabeth. "We don't have a choice…." he paused and turned to her. "You know, what you said before you…it means a lot to me that you think that Atlantis is in good hands."

"You're an honourable man Richard," Elizabeth stated with a smile which was so much like her smile but not. "And I thank you, for what ever happens."

Richard Woolsey nodded with a sad look on his face. If this was going to work he was under orders to send her back to Earth for a 'debriefing' although he along with everyone else knew that if Elizabeth survived and went back to Earth, she might never return.

"Alright," Rodney interrupted as he stepped away from the machine. "It's ready."

Elizabeth nodded and took a step forward, only to come face to face with John Sheppard for what she believed could be the last time. "John," she began slowly. "I have to do this, and you know it."

John smiled inwardly at the inside joke, though that moment was the last moment on his mind as he looked into her eyes, which by some strange coincident looked the same despite the colour difference. "I..I have so much I want to say to you," he stated knowing that his friends her all looking away respectfully. "But I, I just can't seem to find the words."

Elizabeth smiled and placed a comforting hand on his cheek. "You don't need to find the words," she assured in a caring voice. "I know what you want to say to me, because it's the same as I want to say to you…"

"What if this is our last chance?" he interrupted. "I've lost you too many times,"

"I've thought that I had lost you on more than two occasions," she countered. "It's the nature of our jobs, among other things…"

John gritted his teeth and held her close. "I don't want to lose you,"

"Again?" she added, her humour intact. Elizabeth shook her head. "You won't lose me; I promise…" she paused and turned to Carson, Rodney and Radek. "I'm ready."

"I'm not," John exclaimed. "Elizabeth…I—"

"I know," she assured. "I know."

And with that, she stepped into the machine and let the light encompass her.

--

Nothing happens the way it's meant to happen. The machine that Radek and his team had worked on did nothing, so it was back to square one. Elizabeth spent days, months locked inside the lab neither sleeping nor drinking nor eating nor talking to anyone. It was a lot harder with only one of her to get things done, but with Rodney's added yet silent help between missions it finally got done. She was finally herself again and she only had one more obstacle to face.

--

"What's he standing there for?" asked a new solider as he just beamed down from the Daedalus noticing that his commanding officer was standing and leaning on the railing of the balcony overlooking the gate un moving.

"Oh that?" asked Lorne as he looked up at John. "He stands there from time to time."

"What's he waiting for?" asked the young lieutenant.

"Not what," Lorne replied. "Who."

--

_Colonel Sheppard to the control room, Colonel Sheppard to the control room_

Racing, John descended down the stairs leading to the gate just as it activated. This was the day that he had been waiting for. It had been a long time coming, but it was finally here. The gate kawooshed and then stayed still for several long moments.

Then finally, a familiar figured walked on through. Her hair was long, far past her shoulders despite the fact that it was pulled back into a neat, secure braid. Her face however had not changed, her eyes had the same twinkle, and her smile held the same sparkle, especially when she looked at him of all people who came to greet her.

"Hello John," she whispered as she looked down at her uniform, glad to be wearing red like she had wished for for so long. "I'm home,'

"Yes," he replied as he cupped her face with his hands before leaning in for a kiss. "Yes you are."

_****_

AN—So this was written in response for the Season 5 Episode 5 of Atlantis entitled 'Ghost in the Machine' it was a terribly well written, heart-breakingly, angst ridden episode that I have ever seen in my entire life. I loved it and I can only hope that other episodes in the future will hold such utter emotion.

_To all you sparkies out there, this is for you. __**Nothing Else Matters**_ aside from our belief in the sparky ship. **SPARKY EVER AFTER** will live on forever, so long as we believe.

**_So close, no matter how far_**

**_Couldn't be much more from the heart_**

**_Forever trusting who we are_**

**_No, nothing else matters_**


End file.
